Author: Carol Gibbs

Did you ever wake up one morning and wonder how you arrived at your position in life? 

Whether you’re married, single, widowed or divorced, there are times that the life we are living does not reflect what we actually planned or strived for and we find ourselves in unfamiliar territory and very fearful. 

From 870 BC to 810 BC, Elijah was called by God to be a prophet. The people had wandered away from God and were struggling, so out of His love for them, God sent Elijah to woo them back to Him.  

Elijah followed God faithfully and often found himself in dangerous situations. One day, fear overtook him and he chose to run for his life. Elijah hid in a cave on Mt. Horeb, the “Mountain of God.”  It was there that he had a powerful encounter with God. 

“What are you doing here”? God asked him.
Elijah poured out his heart to God, sharing all of his fears and God responded in a powerful way.  

11 The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. 

Then, a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

(I Kings19:11-13) New International Version

God made His tangible presence known to Elijah. He was at his lowest point and God showed up in a profound way to encourage him to go forward with confidence that God cared and would always be there for him. 

There are many experiences that happen through our life time that can cause us to want to “run”. Sometimes, life feels utterly out of control. Where do you go when your circumstances feel impossible? Do you disconnect from everyone you know and love? Life can be hard, don’t do it alone. Confide in a trusted friend. Allow God to meet you in those moments. Choose to listen for that small whisper. He is waiting for you.

Listening,

Carol Marchant Gibbs 

Stories Changing Lives

Throughout history, the saying, “Waiting for the next shoe to drop,” has often been used in a negative context to express the anticipation of something difficult happening in one’s life.

At times, life can be absolutely excruciating. I have experienced this first hand. My husband of 43 years died in December of 2020. I remember the pain being so debilitating that I was not sure if I would survive and I had no idea how to rise above it. I wanted my life to be whole again but was living in deep grief and expected more hardship to occur. I waited for the “next shoe to drop.“ 

Eventually, I began to realize that it takes time to adjust to loss. I was capable of rising above my grief and there was a healthy way to go forward but I really didn’t know what that involved.  So in an attempt to move from my deeply grieving state, I began to busy myself with all kinds of activities; classes, art, music, exercise, even dating. All were done with the intention of rebuilding my life. Instead of easing the pain, what I created was a life of utter chaos. But, whether I was living in a catatonic state of grief or utter chaos, I was always waiting for the next catastrophe to occur.

Eventually, I began to realize that there were better ways to respond to my grief. I could not move forward until I actually faced the magnitude of my loss and I could not do that alone. I needed my family, friends and my grief counselor to help me to take the necessary steps forward. They had been there every step of the way but I did not know how to receive their help until I got to this point. 

I also found that the God I worshipped most of my life had really not abandoned me as I had believed and I began to seek Him. 

I remember distinctly the day in September 2022 when God got my attention with, “Stop. Stop striving and rest in me.”

I had been working so hard to ease my own pain that I neglected my spiritual healing and only God could do that. I was angry with Him for not healing my husband so I had run away from Him, as well. 

It was when I was ready to receive help that everything began to turn around. I became very intentional about how I spent my time; the people I connected with, the activities I engaged in and my hope began to grow. 

Then, October 2022, six weeks after I heard those words from God, I met a very special man at the gym. His wife had died four months after my husband. The day we met, we spent the evening together sharing about our lives. We had never met prior to that day and were amazed to discover how our lives had overlapped in so many ways. I am very thankful to have him in my life today.

Ironically, it was when I stopped striving that I began to move forward. I try to live in freedom now but sometimes I can have a tendency to wait for that old “shoe to drop.” When that happens, I turn away and try to focus on the good in my life. 

I still grieve the loss of my husband and miss him immensely. The grief that comes from losing someone you love never leaves you. You just learn to live with it. 

I know many of you are in various stages of grief. I offer you this thought,  “Stop striving and rest.” Create space for life to happen and trust that one day you are going to be able to live again. You can do this!! 

Living with hope, 

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories changing lives!

What a beautiful time of year!! Twinkling lights adorn decorated trees. Music fills the crisp clean air. We make our lists and check them over a million times. Search for the perfect gifts. Packages are wrapped and bowed to perfection. We make our favorite dessert and attend joy-filled parties. All of this reminds us of the wonderful season and the people we love.

But for many, this time of year conjures up something different…loneliness and grief. All of the beauty of the season becomes a stark reminder of that which has been lost. Surrounded by loved ones celebrating, you can feel completely alone. Laughter cuts through your heart like a knife. You attempt to connect with others but are unsuccessful because the pain forces you to disengage.

My friends, this season, be extra aware of the people around you who are struggling. Grief is a powerful force that is difficult to manage. Take time to connect with those who have lost and listen to them share their heart. Life will not be that way forever for them and they need you. They need hope. You may just be the one person responsible for encouraging them forward in their journey. 

Jesus came to heal us of our brokenness. That includes our broken hearts. Be Jesus this season!!

Have a blessed holiday, 

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

I stand before the manger in awe of

his presence. 

A young babe rests; so innocent, so vulnerable. 

I am moved by the power of his being. 

Is he the One who has come to change the world; to bring peace, to bring hope?

His smile answers my every question and

I am filled with incredible joy.

Come, Lord Jesus, once again. 

My dear friends,

May you too be captured by the beauty of the season. Christmas blessings!

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

I have learned over my lifetime that life is not for the faint of heart. Though I am very thankful for my blessings, I can find myself making a list of questions to ask God about the difficulties of this life. Shouldn’t parents die before their children? Why does it seem that the good die too young when the wretched seem to continue to live on to an old age? Why do some really wonderful people suffer so much loss during their lifetime? My list could go on and on. 

When my husband died after 43 years of marriage, I was lost. The love that my children, grandchildren and others poured out on me could not penetrate my broken heart. I was numb and incapable of receiving it. 

After eight months passed, I connected with a group of people that had experienced that very same loss. I immediately found myself surrounded by widows and widowers. We were all there because of our incredible loss. From my time with these wonderful people, I began to understand for the first time how people experience grief differently. Some hibernate, some are ready to fight with the world, some cry constantly, some take on immense home projects, some self-medicate, and some go on a search for another to fill their void. All are trying to survive the excruciating pain that comes from losing a spouse.

One widow from the group, in particular, captured my heart  at our first meeting. Lou had experienced the tragic loss of two husbands; one when she was very young, age 27, and the other after 30 years of marriage to a man that she adored. When I met Lou, she was absolutely furious! She explained to me that after being raised in a faith, the losing of her two husbands caused her to no longer believe in God. She talked about how God had deserted her and hurt her deeply and she wanted nothing to do with Him. 

I listened carefully to her words, then responded.

“It sounds like you believe in God, you’re just angry for what He has allowed in your life.”

Since that conversation, I have watched her seek to rekindle her relationship with God and her grief looks different. She is more at peace.

We each have our own way of surviving grief. I felt very much like God had abandoned me. I prayed for the healing of my husband for five years but God had a different vision for his life. 

For a time, I too wanted to run from God. He had really fallen short in my life by allowing me such loss, such pain. Then, one day, I realized, where else would I go? Who else could heal my broken heart? 

Grief never completely leaves you. You just learn to live with it. For the longest time, all I could remember about my husband was the last year of his life when he was sick. I prayed for God to restore the wonderful memories we shared over our life together and He did. I cherish those times.

I know many of you are suffering from the pain of loss and may be very disappointed in God. My prayer is that one day you would allow Him to bring restoration and healing to your life. He really does love you.
Where else would you go? 

Living with hope,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

Norma Mclnerny, in her podcast, “Terrible, Thanks for Asking”, shares her story about the significant losses in her life at age thirty-one. In a short period of time, she lost her baby, her father and six weeks later, her husband. Nora was devastated.

People tried to encourage her with empty phrases such as, “You are still young and beautiful and will find someone else,” but it really wasn’t helpful.

Nora did fall in love again. What she found was falling in love was easy for her but finding another person didn’t take her grief away. Her grief just slid over to make room for another love and that made her feel uncomfortable. She feared the judgement of others but mostly the judgement she placed upon herself. If she was happy, she was not sad anymore so she must not have really loved her former husband. 

Well-meaning friends commented, that she must be okay now that she has a new husband. She explained that falling in love with another did not mean she had fallen out of love with her deceased husband. Nora found that it was possible to hold two things at once; grief for the lost and joy for the new love in her life. 

I have experienced first hand that it is possible to hold two things at once; new love for another and grief for the love that was lost. 

Love for another really does not eliminate the love you have for the one who has died. In fact, I have found that the closer I grow to my new love, the more I remember my late husband and miss his presence in my life.

A very wise man told me, in response to my question of how can I fall in love with another and increasingly miss my late husband, that it made perfect sense to him. 

“Love and grief come from the same place in the heart.”

 I am thankful to my late husband for the many ways he expressed love to me. His love has made it possible for me to love again. And my new love…I am thankful for how he has given me hope for my future.

Living with hope,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives 

Young children spend an exorbitant  amount of time thinking and talking about what they want to be when they grow up. The rest of the time, they play. They play with friends, at sports, a musical instrument or engage in a number of the  arts. These experiences help to develop them  into more complete human beings. 

I believe that this continues until the reality of life responsibilities sets in. It is at that point that work consumes much of life… with a small amount of time for relationships and very little for anything else. And for most of life, employment occupies much of your time.

But, what happens when that is no longer a reality? It is no wonder that impending retirement can create a great deal of angst for some. 

You begin to ask yourself, “I’m a grown up. Now, what am I going to do?”  

Retirement suddenly affords you an abundance of time with an immense amount of possibilities. This can be overwhelming. How do you decide where to focus your time? Do you spend more time with family? Take a class? Exercise more regularly? Play an instrument? Travel? Join a gardening club? Volunteer? Hike? Write that book you’ve always wanted to write?

I believe that much of the angst of retirement can be eliminated by doing a few simple things. Preparation for that special day begins years prior to the actual event. Just like you prepare financially, preparing socially and emotionally is just as important. Taking time to develop one’s interests, hobbies and relationships makes the transition to a freer lifestyle more appealing. Instead of dreading available time, you appreciate the opportunities to engage more fully in a life you have nurtured all along. 

Many couples make big plans after retirement only to find that their partner becomes ill or passes away. The many plans that you made dissolve before you and you find yourself all alone.

I can speak to this well because I had the pain of losing my husband 2 1/2 years ago. I am comforted by the thought that during our entire life together, though we worked hard, we also took time to play. We recognized the value of time and were intentional in embracing it fully.

Whether you are 35 or 105, life is too short to work it all away. Don’t wake up one day  and find yourself in a sandbox all alone realizing that you’ve forgotten how to play. 

Embrace every single moment of your life! 

Now, what do you want to do when you grow up? 

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

It’s interesting how when life is going well, humanly speaking, I can have a tendency to lean less on God and live more into my circumstances. What I have found is that this can work for a while but eventually, I feel the impact of that lack. As I evaluate my life at those moments, I see that life “without” God, can feel meaningless even in the midst of beauty and love. 

As I was pondering this thought a verse came to mind:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5)

Thank you, Lord, for reminding me that the fullness of life comes from leaning into you. I need you just as much in the wonderful moments of life as I do in the challenges. 

Leaning in, 

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

One of my greatest struggles in this life is my tendency to worry about the people I love. 

One day, I asked God why…Why do I do battle in my mind with things that may never happen? I heard this:

“Sometimes fear causes us to (attempt to) manipulate the world around us to create that which we believe could be true.”

The unknown can feel unsettling at times so in an attempt to interpret the world around me I can create a scenario that is just not accurate. In other words, much of what I worry about is simply a creation in my mind drawn from limited information.

I am a spiritual person but rather than trust God with my “creation”, I can run ahead of Him preparing my heart for the worst. It is not until God stops me in my tracks and reminds me of His love and vision for my life that I am able to embrace a more realistic view.

In a strange way, I believe that I am protecting my heart from future hurt when I try to control everything around me but in reality it is fruitless. What I have imagined could happen, rarely does. 

During this Lenten season, I offer to God my tendency to worry. I desire to embrace every wonderful moment with joy, tackling the difficult moments when they actually come along.

What will you offer this season?

Living in freedom, 

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

My dear friends,

Moving forward after a significant loss is a considerable challenge. We are torn between two worlds, life as we knew it and life anew. Below is a repost of something I wrote last year. I hope you find it helpful as you begin your new life.

Nora McInerny, in her podcast “Terrible, Thanks for Asking,” shares her story about significant losses in her life at age thirty-one. In a short period of time, she lost her baby, her father and six weeks later, her husband. Nora was devastated.

People tried to encourage her with empty phrases such as, “You are still young and beautiful and will find someone else,” but it really wasn’t helpful.

Nora did fall in love again. What she found was that falling in love was easy for her but having another person in her life did not take away her grief. Her grief just slid over to make room for another love and that made her feel uncomfortable. She feared the judgement of others but what most surprised her was the judgement she placed upon herself. If she was happy, she was not sad anymore so she must not have really loved her former husband. 

Well-meaning friends commented, that she must be okay now that she has a new husband. She explained that falling in love with another did not mean she had fallen out of love with her deceased husband. Nora found that it was possible to hold two things at once; grief for the lost and joy for the new love. 

I know personally that when you are joyfully married for forty-three years, loss is excruciating. I will always miss my husband and pray unashamedly that one day I will have a new love to whom I can share his memory.

A good friend reminded me one day that my husband is gone but I am still alive. I’m trying to remember that. I can live my life to the fullest while holding his memory close to my heart.

Living with hope,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives