Norma Mclnerny, in her podcast, “Terrible, Thanks for Asking”, shares her story about the significant losses in her life at age thirty-one. In a short period of time, she lost her baby, her father and six weeks later, her husband. Nora was devastated.
People tried to encourage her with empty phrases such as, “You are still young and beautiful and will find someone else,” but it really wasn’t helpful.
Nora did fall in love again. What she found was falling in love was easy for her but finding another person didn’t take her grief away. Her grief just slid over to make room for another love and that made her feel uncomfortable. She feared the judgement of others but mostly the judgement she placed upon herself. If she was happy, she was not sad anymore so she must not have really loved her former husband.
Well-meaning friends commented, that she must be okay now that she has a new husband. She explained that falling in love with another did not mean she had fallen out of love with her deceased husband. Nora found that it was possible to hold two things at once; grief for the lost and joy for the new love in her life.
I have experienced first hand that it is possible to hold two things at once; new love for another and grief for the love that was lost.
Love for another really does not eliminate the love you have for the one who has died. In fact, I have found that the closer I grow to my new love, the more I remember my late husband and miss his presence in my life.
A very wise man told me, in response to my question of how can I fall in love with another and increasingly miss my late husband, that it made perfect sense to him.
“Love and grief come from the same place in the heart.”
I am thankful to my late husband for the many ways he expressed love to me. His love has made it possible for me to love again. And my new love…I am thankful for how he has given me hope for my future.
Living with hope,
Carol Marchant Gibbs
Stories Changing Lives