I have learned over my lifetime that life is not for the faint of heart. Though I am very thankful for my blessings, I can find myself making a list of questions to ask God about the difficulties of this life. Shouldn’t parents die before their children? Why does it seem that the good die too young when the wretched seem to continue to live on to an old age? Why do some really wonderful people suffer so much loss during their lifetime? My list could go on and on.
When my husband died after 43 years of marriage, I was lost. The love that my children, grandchildren and others poured out on me could not penetrate my broken heart. I was numb and incapable of receiving it.
After eight months passed, I connected with a group of people that had experienced that very same loss. I immediately found myself surrounded by widows and widowers. We were all there because of our incredible loss. From my time with these wonderful people, I began to understand for the first time how people experience grief differently. Some hibernate, some are ready to fight with the world, some cry constantly, some take on immense home projects, some self-medicate, and some go on a search for another to fill their void. All are trying to survive the excruciating pain that comes from losing a spouse.
One widow from the group, in particular, captured my heart at our first meeting. Lou had experienced the tragic loss of two husbands; one when she was very young, age 27, and the other after 30 years of marriage to a man that she adored. When I met Lou, she was absolutely furious! She explained to me that after being raised in a faith, the losing of her two husbands caused her to no longer believe in God. She talked about how God had deserted her and hurt her deeply and she wanted nothing to do with Him.
I listened carefully to her words, then responded.
“It sounds like you believe in God, you’re just angry for what He has allowed in your life.”
Since that conversation, I have watched her seek to rekindle her relationship with God and her grief looks different. She is more at peace.
We each have our own way of surviving grief. I felt very much like God had abandoned me. I prayed for the healing of my husband for five years but God had a different vision for his life.
For a time, I too wanted to run from God. He had really fallen short in my life by allowing me such loss, such pain. Then, one day, I realized, where else would I go? Who else could heal my broken heart?
Grief never completely leaves you. You just learn to live with it. For the longest time, all I could remember about my husband was the last year of his life when he was sick. I prayed for God to restore the wonderful memories we shared over our life together and He did. I cherish those times.
I know many of you are suffering from the pain of loss and may be very disappointed in God. My prayer is that one day you would allow Him to bring restoration and healing to your life. He really does love you.
Where else would you go?
Living with hope,
Carol Marchant Gibbs
Stories Changing Lives