It is December 13th, a year after my beloved Jim died and I am surprised at the increasing depth of my grief.
The anticipation of this day was far more painful than I ever expected. Realizing my greatest need the day before, I cancelled my plans with a friend and went to my older son’s to be with he and his family.
Being with them was life giving. I helped my son decorate the exterior of his house for Christmas; beautiful lighted wreaths on every window and a few huge inflated Santas in the yard. The kids loved it and his wife was very appreciative.
We were together and it brought health to my grieving heart.
I really believed I would be in a different place by now…. a year later. Yes, I have taken steps forward; joined a widows and widowers group, started back to the gym, taken a sculpting class, and traveled to see friends and family. I have managed to stay very busy with life but despite the increased activity, life continues to be very difficult. Jim is gone and will continue to be gone and my heart remains broken.
I have heard it said, the second year after a significant loss is worse than the first. That is not very encouraging. I, like many others, hoped that when the magical one-year date arrived, life would be restored, as would the joy. That is not my experience. I am finding that grief is much more complex than I ever imagined and I am needing just as much love and support as I received the first year. It just looks a little different.
I am thankful for those who have faithfully stood by me this year. I know it’s hard to support someone for the long haul but the reality is, it is critical to the restoration of those who are grieving.
I am certain that many of you understand far too well the depth of my words. You may be grieving a loss or supporting someone who has experienced one. I pray that you will give and receive all that you need to thrive in this life, blessed for every wonderful act of kindness and love.
Eternally grateful,
Carol Marchant Gibbs
Stories Changing Lives