In my desire to be rescued from my grief from losing my husband, Jim, I asked the Lord recently what I needed to learn in order to begin to move forward with my life. I heard two words; patience and trust.
Patience has never been my forte. I have a tendency to plough through some of the greatest of obstacles without much effort, but losing my husband has been my greatest challenge. Though I feel more joy at times after seven and a half months have passed, the loss remains excruciatingly painful. Grief still comes when I least expect it and it is impossible to contain.
I will never forget the beauty of my relationship with Jim, nor will I ever forget the wonderful memories of our life together. Those memories are sealed in my heart and I am so thankful for that.
I do, however, long to see that my future is filled with the things I most deeply desire… companionship and love. I miss that and it’s really difficult to be patient waiting for it to happen.
As far as trust is concerned, how do I trust God when I prayed so hard for Jim to be healed and he wasn’t? I am learning that the longer I am on this earth, the more I don’t understand about life. But this I do know…If I don’t lean into God and trust him, where else am I to go? I know nothing else.
Life is often filled with more questions than answers. We don’t always know what our future holds but I am walking forward one step at a time trusting that God has plans for me in his time. Will you walk with me?
In patience and trust
Carol Marchant Gibbs
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