How do you find the joy of the season in the midst of heartache and loss?
For those of you that know our family well, you are aware that last year, my doughtier-in-law lost her father three days before Christmas. It was heartbreaking.
This year, my dear husband died twelve days before Christmas leaving our family devastated. It was just too much.
A few days following my husband’s passing, my older son’s family contracted the coronavirus, forcing our family to be apart in our grief.
Our younger son and his husband were in town for an extended stay and had been vaccinated against Covid so I was able to be together with them. Thank goodness!
Christmas, the season we had loved so dearly through the years, suddenly became a season of grief. It was hard to celebrate the joy and I found myself mostly going through the motions of the season. But, despite the grief, joy managed to find its way into many of the moments.
Since the coronavirus prevented all of us from gathering in person, my sons, daughter-in-law and son-in-law creatively planned a remote Christmas. Gifts were dropped off at my older son’s house a few days early and we did a gift exchange by Skype on Christmas day. Presents were opened and the children’s joy and delight warmed our hearts. In my husband’s memory, our younger son had made plans with my husband prior to his passing, to continue his gadget tradition. They had picked out fishing rod marshmallow roasters for the grandchildren. The kids were thrilled with their gift from Grampa and Uncle Jer.
My daughter-in-law suggested we order the same dinner from a local restaurant and though we were unable to eat together, we shared the same meal.
And… It was tremendous fun playing video games remotely with sons and grandsons off and on throughout the day.
We were all together…at a distance.
Later that afternoon, my younger son, son-in-law and I watched a new movie that was released on HBO+, Wonder Woman, because the pandemic had affected the film industry as well.
Then, more video games with our older son’s family filled the evening.
A silent cloud of grief hung over our Christmas this year. My husband has and will be very missed. I will miss his sweet smile, his tenderness and the gentleness of his spirit. I will miss his great sense of humor and his dancing around the kitchen in his “Grampa” apron as he cooks. I will miss playing cards and scrabble together. I will miss watching him interact with our adult children and grandchildren. And at the end of the day, I will miss his “Goodnight, love.” and his hand in mine.
Christmas was very difficult but it was also filled with some beautiful moments, as well. I am certain that Christmases going forward will continue to be hard. I pray that in time, the wonderful memories of my husband will replace the grief and joy will be victorious.
Blessings to you,
Carol Marchant Gibbs
Stories Changing Lives