Throughout history, the saying, “Waiting for the next shoe to drop,” has often been used in a negative context to express the anticipation of something difficult happening in one’s life.
At times, life can be absolutely excruciating. I have experienced this first hand. My husband of 43 years died in December of 2020. I remember the pain being so debilitating that I was not sure if I would survive and I had no idea how to rise above it. I wanted my life to be whole again but was living in deep grief and expected more hardship to occur. I waited for the “next shoe to drop.“
Eventually, I began to realize that it takes time to adjust to loss. I was capable of rising above my grief and there was a healthy way to go forward but I really didn’t know what that involved. So in an attempt to move from my deeply grieving state, I began to busy myself with all kinds of activities; classes, art, music, exercise, even dating. All were done with the intention of rebuilding my life. Instead of easing the pain, what I created was a life of utter chaos. But, whether I was living in a catatonic state of grief or utter chaos, I was always waiting for the next catastrophe to occur.
Eventually, I began to realize that there were better ways to respond to my grief. I could not move forward until I actually faced the magnitude of my loss and I could not do that alone. I needed my family, friends and my grief counselor to help me to take the necessary steps forward. They had been there every step of the way but I did not know how to receive their help until I got to this point.
I also found that the God I worshipped most of my life had really not abandoned me as I had believed and I began to seek Him.
I remember distinctly the day in September 2022 when God got my attention with, “Stop. Stop striving and rest in me.”
I had been working so hard to ease my own pain that I neglected my spiritual healing and only God could do that. I was angry with Him for not healing my husband so I had run away from Him, as well.
It was when I was ready to receive help that everything began to turn around. I became very intentional about how I spent my time; the people I connected with, the activities I engaged in and my hope began to grow.
Then, October 2022, six weeks after I heard those words from God, I met a very special man at the gym. His wife had died four months after my husband. The day we met, we spent the evening together sharing about our lives. We had never met prior to that day and were amazed to discover how our lives had overlapped in so many ways. I am very thankful to have him in my life today.
Ironically, it was when I stopped striving that I began to move forward. I try to live in freedom now but sometimes I can have a tendency to wait for that old “shoe to drop.” When that happens, I turn away and try to focus on the good in my life.
I still grieve the loss of my husband and miss him immensely. The grief that comes from losing someone you love never leaves you. You just learn to live with it.
I know many of you are in various stages of grief. I offer you this thought, “Stop striving and rest.” Create space for life to happen and trust that one day you are going to be able to live again. You can do this!!
Living with hope,
Carol Marchant Gibbs
Stories changing lives!
Thank you Carol…..I used that phrase multiple times as my parents’ health was failing in the midst of our son’s longterm medical issues. I’m trusting this post is private and only for your eyes. My Dad had Supranuclear Palsy, bedridden for 5 yrs. before his death (Dx pneumonia) in 8/98. Our son had been Dx in ‘94 with inoperable brain cyst. By summer ‘98 his Increasing Intracranial Pressure was creating insufferable symptoms. In November he had his first brain surgery— cystoperitoneal shunt. By Jan ‘99 things were not right and his shunt wasn’t draining well- this another Shunt surgery. Between medical, educational and psychological challenges we had our hands full and our son struggled. By 2003 my Mom began with cognitive decline. She was with me most of the years before Assisted Living for 2 yrs (2007-2009), then nursing home (2009-2011) before her death. She was 10 min from me at both locations.
By 3/2006 our son was diagnosed with scoliosis – severe curve at lumber region. No brace by this time would be beneficial. June 2006 he had his first spinal surgery (fusion 18 “ / T6-L4 with instrumentation /rods. Mom is declining cognitively, physically and behaviorally. Lots of back and forth to facilities and ER visits. Our son is not doing well, can’t walk normally, (he woke in ICU with foot drop/ lots of pain. Dr Carson did a laminectomy to open up lumber vertebrae. (1/07). After continuing problems – Now he’s referred to Dr Sponseller at JHH/peds spinal- CT scan showed lumbar screws pressing on his lumbar nerves and 2 pedicle thoracic screws pressing on his decending Aorta- Long and short/ it could be a sudden event/ bleed out. Here we go another spinal surgery, 2/08……lots of PT, home education and health care- he graduates with 4.5 GPA 6/08 with his Mama crying in the audience.! He goes on to attend college just two hrs away. Our oldest (MPH/Emory) now works in DC and our youngest, a student (2010-2014) at Washington College. Mom passed away 1/2011. I look back and ask myself how did I get thru it all. Prayer, a wonderful husband and kids and great friends. I was very busy with church, serving as SS teacher, SS Director and choir. I have to tell you about a time I was crying so hard in the laundry room (lol- I do my best crying in there ) I asked the Lord what I was to do and I heard Him say, “I just want your obedience”.
Keep following in faith, staying in His word and trusting Romans 8:28. I’m glad to hear your journey has more joy in light of understandable continuing grief. Big hug girl! 💓.