Author: Carol Gibbs

I sit on the shoreline of grief watching the waves.

They vary in their intensity as they cascade over me. 

Sometimes they are gentle and fleeting. 

Other times, I am so overwhelmed by their power that I feel as if I cannot breathe. 

I struggle under their wake for a time and then they return to the sea. 

Once again, I feel the warmth of the sun and I am at peace. 

Grief is a very difficult and mystifying experience. One moment you are feeling fine, then a person, place, familiar experience, even a song, can prompt a wave of grief that is so intense you feel like you will drown under its influence.

My husband has been gone for almost two months now. Some days it feels like an eternity since I looked into his sweet face. Other days, it feels like only yesterday. I can recall a memory of him and laugh with joy. Then, the next moment, I can be reduced to tears. Such is the nature of grief. 

I am certain that many of you understand my words all too well. You are on the shoreline waiting for the next wave, wondering if you will survive it. But, you don’t have to go through grief alone. There are people, family and friends, who would like to be there for you. Find someone you trust and share your heart. 

There are also grief counselors available to listen and lend support, as well. I have found that having someone listen and validate my experience has been very encouraging. 

If you have had a loss in your life, I am so very sorry. I pray that your heart will be healed and you will experience joy once again…very soon. 

With deep empathy,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

As the shroud of darkness begins to rise, a glimmer of light reveals some of the incredible blessings in my life over the last few months; the sweetness of my husband’s hand in mine as we slept, the closeness of his nose to mine, his smile, his words, “I love you.” I am thankful for those tender moments with him. 

I am thankful for my sons and how they rose to still my shaky ground. Empowered with a supernatural love, they supported me in amazing ways. 

I am thankful for my older son, Jamey, who came to my rescue many times. I remember the night he kindly drove his dad and me down to the emergency room when Jim was in terrible pain. The pandemic prevented us from staying. 

I am thankful that when we retuned home, knowing I was upset, Jamey came into my house to make sure I was ok. His presence comforted me. 

When, Jim’s illness began to make nights difficult to sleep, Jamey came to spend nights with me. We took turns caring for Jim throughout the night, capturing sleep in another room. I watched as Jamey slept beside his dad, holding his hand so sweetly, just like when he was young.

I am thankful for Jamey’s constant support since his dad is gone; for the home repairs, the tech support, the car advice, the encouragement, the laughter and the love. 

You are a kind and gentleman, Jame, and I am thankful that you are my son. I love you! 

I am, also, thankful for my younger son, Jeremy. He lives out-of-town and came up for six weeks, with my son-in-law to spend time with and help care for his dad. Though we started having extra care support at night, they were not permitted to give medication. Out of love for me, Jeremy kindly offered to take over the responsibility of Jim’s medications.  This required constant monitoring and connection by phone with the on-call nurse throughout the day and the night as Jim’s pain increased. Jeremy set his alarm and every four hours, rose from his sleep to administer his dad’s medication so I could sleep. 

I watched as my son, Jeremy, lovingly whispered into his dad’s ear as he cared for him. Sometimes Jim would respond with a smile bringing us to tears. 

Thank you, Jer, for the many ways you show love. I love you and all that you are.

As my sons took over much of Jim’s care taking, I was free to be his wife, to sit beside him and hold his hand. I was able to get a little sleep. Though I do confess that I did listen to make sure all was well. I was also free to cry and I did that a lot. 

I am thankful for my dear son-in-law, Leandro, who was always nearby to give me a hug and cry with me. He did many dishes during that time and walked the dogs often, among many others things. I am thankful for the many ways he loves our family. I love you!

My sons have been amazing during this time. And though life has had to go back to some sense of “normal”, they remain close. The FaceTime calls and visits have brought more light back into my life. 

And…I am so thankful.

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

Three days after my husband died, my older son’s family started with the coronavirus. One by one, the six of them were afflicted over a three week period. It was painful for our family to not be together to mourn. 

Finally, after an additional two weeks, my son’s entire family was clear and able to come to my house together. It was glorious. I made chocolate chip cookies beforehand. We had lunch together. Then, we engaged in wonderful conversation while the kids played with my five month old puppy, Bailey. It was a beautiful day. 

Then…my three year old granddaughter asked the question … “Where’s Grampa?”

She had not been to our house since he died because she was the last to get the coronavirus. Each of us froze on hearing her question. 

My daughter-in-law calmly spoke, “He’s not here.”

The questioning continued, “Where is he?”

“Grampa is in heaven.” She explained. 

My granddaughter, who had just turned three, seemed satisfied with the answer and continued to play. 

My eyes filled with tears that flooded down into my mask. The reality of the loss was excruciating.

Grief is difficult and unavoidable. Sometimes it just comes out of the blue with an innocent question, a thought, a photo, or a memory. In those moments, give yourself the freedom to embrace all that you are feeling. I am. One day, each tear will be replaced by a beautiful memory. 

Blessings,

Carol Marchant Gibbs
Stories Changing Lives

The human body is an incredible creation. Did you know that tears have an amazing ability to heal the body? The eye produces three types of tears, each made up of different chemicals that have different healing abilities.

Basal tears are those that continuously moisten our eyes. We usually do not notice this amazing function unless there is a malfunction and our eyes dry out. 

Reflex tears happen when your eye is assaulted by something. The eye tears to rid itself of foreign objects; a bug for instance. 

Then, there are emotional tears. Did you ever wonder why you feel so much better after a good cry? Traces of stress chemicals have been found in emotional tears that when released, actually relieve the body of stress. Crying can also cause the body to produce endorphins that actually make you feel better.

The past year has been so very difficult for most of us. It’s comforting to know that through our tears our body is serving to heal us. Give yourself permission to cry. Be healed.

Blessings,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories changing lives.  

How do you find the joy of the season in the midst of heartache and loss? 

For those of you that know our family well, you are aware that last year, my doughtier-in-law lost her father three days before Christmas. It was heartbreaking.

This year, my dear husband died twelve days before Christmas leaving our family devastated. It was just too much.

A few days following my husband’s passing, my older son’s family contracted the coronavirus, forcing our family to be apart in our grief. 

Our younger son and his husband were in town for an extended stay and had been vaccinated against Covid so I was able to be together with them. Thank goodness! 

Christmas, the season we had loved so dearly through the years, suddenly became a season of grief. It was hard to celebrate the joy and I found myself mostly going through the motions of the season. But, despite the grief, joy managed to find its way into many of the moments.

Since the coronavirus prevented all of us from gathering in person, my sons, daughter-in-law and son-in-law creatively planned a remote Christmas. Gifts were dropped off at my older son’s house a few days early and we did a gift exchange by Skype on Christmas day. Presents were opened and the children’s joy and delight warmed our hearts. In my husband’s memory, our younger son had made plans with my husband prior to his passing, to continue his gadget tradition. They had picked out fishing rod marshmallow roasters for the grandchildren. The kids were thrilled with their gift from Grampa and Uncle Jer. 

My daughter-in-law suggested we order the same dinner from a local restaurant and though we were unable to eat together, we shared the same meal. 

And… It was tremendous fun playing video games remotely with sons and grandsons off and on throughout the day. 

We were all together…at a distance. 

Later that afternoon, my younger son, son-in-law and I watched a new movie that was released on HBO+, Wonder Woman, because the pandemic had affected the film industry as well. 

Then, more video games with our older son’s family filled the evening. 

A silent cloud of grief hung over our Christmas this year. My husband has and will be very missed. I will miss his sweet smile, his tenderness and the gentleness of his spirit. I will miss his great sense of humor and his dancing around the kitchen in his “Grampa” apron as he cooks. I will miss playing cards and scrabble together. I will miss watching him interact with our adult children and grandchildren. And at the end of the day, I will miss his “Goodnight, love.” and his hand in mine.  

Christmas was very difficult but it was also filled with some beautiful moments, as well. I am certain that Christmases going forward will continue to be hard. I pray that in time, the wonderful memories of my husband will replace the grief and joy will be victorious. 

Blessings to you,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

What if the world is not the true reality of life. 
What if it is only a preparation for what is to come, a training ground for what is real. 
We are learning to be kind, to selflessly give, and to see the best in others.
We are learning to celebrate our differences, gifts and talents, to embrace diversity. 
We are learning to love our neighbor as ourselves. 

I lost my dear husband of 43 years this week. I have never thought of heaven more than I have during this time. He lived his life in preparation for heaven. He loved selflessly and unconditionally. He put the needs of others before his own. I want to be more like him. 
For the rest of my life I will be asking myself “What would Jim do?” because he was the closest person to living like Jesus that I have ever known. I want to emulate the way he loved. I want to be ready to see him again. 
Rest In Peace, my love. Until we meet again. 

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

In loving memory of James David Gibbs

The season of Advent encompasses the four weeks prior to Christmas. A wreath with five candles is often used to focus us on a different aspect of the season each week; hope, faith, joy, peace, followed by the birth of Jesus.

But, how do we celebrate the season considering all we have experienced this year? This has been a very rough year for many of us. People have lost loved ones, jobs, and are struggling through schooling at home. For me, I have watched my dear husband courageously battle a serious cancer diagnosis. It has been heartbreaking.  

It would be very tempting to ignore Christmas all together; the shopping for presents, the decorations, the Christmas cards, and the gatherings. The pandemic has already robbed us of much of the celebrating. But… Christmas will still arrive without all of those things. This year more than ever before, I am aware of the need to embrace the heart of the season. In the brokenness, we need hope, faith, joy and peace. We need Jesus. 

I pray that hope, faith, joy and peace would  be yours this season.  

Have a blessed holiday. 

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Over the last few years, we have seen…

Division ravage our country.

Civil unrest.

Pandemic deaths occur that could have been prevented. 

Children and their parents caged for seeking refuge.

The unemployment rate escalate. 

And our international allies alienated. 

How much worse does it have to get for a change to occur?

May God have mercy.

Seeking unity,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

It is interesting how a desperation for a sense of normalcy has led many people to do things that they might ordinarily not consider. We have been forced to expand our thinking and be more creative. 

It was heartbreaking to have to cancel our annual beach vacation to the Jersey shore with our children and grandchildren this summer. In response to the situation, my husband and I decided to try to find a place where we could safely travel this fall. Our younger son and his husband were unable to join us because of the academic calendar, they are on the faculty at a large university, but we decided to go forward. 

With my husband’s immune system compromised because of his chemotherapy, we were limited in our travel choices. We searched for a place that was secluded, not too far a drive, and one that would capture the attention of our older son’s family. Our four grandchildren are ages 10, 7, 6 and 2. What we discovered became the trip of a lifetime. 

Avondale Hills Farm was the perfect getaway!! From the beautiful decorated stone home equipped with a pool, hot tub, and theatre room, to the farm animals; cows, chickens, bunnies, goats, dogs, and a baby pig named Wilby. We were mesmerized by this incredible place. It quickly became the highlight of all of our travels. According to our grandchildren, “This was the best vacation ever.” 

But it wasn’t just the serene setting that captured us, the farmers were wonderful. Farmer Aaron offered interesting details about the animals and allowed our grandchildren to interact with some of them. They loved every minute. Our 7 year old grandson adored the baby pig, Wilby, who was in a pen directly outside our front door. He wants to be a farmer now and when it was time to go home, he sobbed.

So, what we believed to be a limitation to our travel, actually became an amazing adventure to which we will definitely return. 

I know that many of you are finding ways to adjust to the new normal. I have seen more new puppies around than I ever remember seeing. And yes… we too succumbed to the insanity. After fifteen years of being a dog free household, we adopted a 10-week old puppy the day after we returned from the farm. (It was planned ahead of time, by the way.) 

Life may be taking you into unfamiliar territory right now.  Allow yourself the freedom to think differently. There are treasures to be found around every corner. May your new normal be filled with beautiful moments. 

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

For many years, I did not understand the LGBTQ community because I really didn’t know anyone who was gay. Our family lived in a “church world” that quietly denounced the gay community. 

Ironically, after college, our younger son came out. My husband and I struggled to understand, praying and pouring through scripture and this is what God taught us: Love is Love. Whether it is God’s love for each of us, our love for Him or our love for each other, love is the most important part of life. How we love others is what really matters, not who we love. 

I know that many of you have not walked in my same shoes, or even beside someone who is gay. Your heart will be changed if you do. But don’t take my word for it, get to know someone from the LGBTQ community. Love is Love.

Blessings,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives