Author: Carol Gibbs

In my desire to be rescued from my grief from losing my husband, Jim, I  asked the Lord recently what I needed to learn in order to begin to move forward with my life. I heard two words; patience and trust.   

Patience has never been my forte. I have a tendency to plough through some of the greatest of obstacles without much effort, but losing my husband has been my greatest challenge. Though I feel more joy at times after seven and a half months have passed, the loss remains excruciatingly painful. Grief still comes when I least expect it and it is impossible to contain. 

I will never forget the beauty of my relationship with Jim, nor will I ever forget the wonderful memories of our life together. Those memories are sealed in my heart and I am so thankful for that.

I do, however, long to see that my future is filled with the things I most deeply desire… companionship and love. I miss that and it’s really difficult to be patient waiting for it to happen. 

As far as trust is concerned, how do I trust God when I prayed so hard for Jim to be healed and he wasn’t? I am learning that the longer I am on this earth, the more I don’t understand about life. But this I do know…If I don’t lean into God and trust him, where else am I to go? I know nothing else.

Life is often filled with more questions than answers. We don’t always know what our future holds but I am walking forward one step at a time trusting that God has plans for me in his time. Will you walk with me?

In patience and trust

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories changing lives. 

It’s been seven long months since my beloved husband, Jim left this earth. It feels like an eternity has passed. Sometimes, I can think about him and smile and even laugh. Other times, I am reduced to such painful tears that I can barely breathe.

People tell me that I am doing really well. I am still trying to figure out what that means.

I do know that for a few months, I really struggled to understand who I am without him. I certainly am not the adorable twenty-year-old that I was when we first started dating. When I look in the mirror, I see Mimi, the grandmother to my precious four grandchildren. The crazy default may be to go back to my twenty-year-old self but I am not that person anymore.

There is a conflict between who I was and who I am currently but that is not the greatest challenge. When you lose your spouse or partner, you can feel like you are only half a person. Most of our relationships were built upon the oneness that we shared. We were one person for so long, with our family, children, grandchildren and friends, that I feel like I am learning to reestablish some of those relationships. Many are obviously easier than others.

To those of you who have walked this journey with me, I am so thankful for the ways you have encouraged me to look inward to find out who I am. The outward vision I see of myself cannot be compared to my younger twenty-year-old self without being extremely discouraging. But, the wisdom I have gained through the years far outweighs the cuteness of my former self. The wisdom has shown up in my face in the form of small wrinkles that crinkle up when I laugh. I am thankful for those wonderful years of life.

I know that many of you have also lost a loved one and are experiencing a similar response. I first want to tell you that you are not a half person. And, though you may feel like you may need to go back to the beginning, you don’t. You can start right where you are. You are still the same beautiful person… a better version of your former self. Bring all that you are and have learned from the past to your new life…wrinkles and all.  

Together in hope,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

There once was a man whose job made it necessary for him to move to a new town. On arrival, he asked a local resident about the people there. “Are the people friendly here?”

The resident responded to the man with a question, “What were people like where you used to live?”

The newcomer scowled and said, “They were really an unfriendly and rude bunch. I couldn’t wait to get away from that place.”

The resident said, “Well, I’m afraid you’ll find the people here are pretty much the same.”

A week later, another man came to the town. He happened to meet the same resident and asked him the exact same question. 

The local man responded to the second newcomer with, “What were the people like in the town where you used to live?”

This newcomer smiled and said, “Oh, that town was the friendliest place you could ever imagine. I loved it there.”

The local returned the smile and said, “Well, I’m glad to hear it.  I think you’ll find people here are very friendly, as well. You will love it here.”

Attitude is everything!

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

Too often, we can misinterpret the responses we receive from others when most of the time, they have nothing to do with us at all…

If I appear passionate about something, it is not because I am trying to convince you, it is only because I care so deeply about it. 

If I don’t recognize your pain, it is not because I do not care, it is probably because I have been blinded by my own pain.

If I seem to charge ahead, it is not that I am oblivious to the world around me,  it is because my needs and desires are so great, when not met, I can become fearful and I must attempt to respond to them myself. 

If I insist on my own way, it is not because I am selfish, it is because so many things are out of control in my life, I must control what I can. 

If I don’t speak up or respond to your words, it does not mean I am not listening, it’s probably because I am an introvert and have used up my quota of words for the day. 

If I insist on seeing you, it is only because you matter to me, time with you matters to me. 

If I tell you “I love you”,  treasure this. It is the most precious gift I have to give. 

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

There is a reason that experts say to allow yourself at least a year to grieve a significant loss. Grief is painful and can be made even more difficult when you yourself have a tendency to run ahead to try to fix your problem. You just want the pain to go away, so you attempt to find something or someone that can do that for you. But, that only becomes a temporary distraction. 

It is at times like these, when we are most vulnerable and not thinking clearly, that we need to call in our nearest and dearest to speak into our lives. We need them to run interference for us, to protect us from making poor decisions. I am so thankful for the people in my life that have made a commitment to doing that for me.

Healing takes time and only the power of God can restore us to wholeness. I believe he will heal our dry bones and strengthen us for the new life ahead. (Ezekiel 37)

Take it slowly, my friend. Allow the healing power of God and those who love you to carry you during this time. You are going to be okay…in time. 

With God,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

I have always been a very passionate person. Raised in an art-centric home, my parents taught us that our life was filled with possibilities and that we were in part in-charge of our destiny. 

My dad was an artist. Supporting our family of seven, he painted and did graphic arts in his studio. It was his dream. 

My mother stayed home until I was in college and then went to embrace her dream, to be a nurse. She started nursing school when she was in her forties and worked as an RN until she died. 

Passion for living can be a beautiful thing but there can also be a downside to it.  Sometimes, our longing to embrace our deepest desires can cause us to charge ahead, derailing  the natural order of our process. We can blow past important steps that prepare us for our future, affecting the outcome when we arrive. 

The opposite can also be true. Resisting any movement toward our deepest desires because of fear can prevent us from embracing our dreams, as well.

So, what is the answer to this dilemma? 

Despite all that I have been through over the last few years, I still believe that God cares about our deepest desires. Rather than frantically running ahead of Him, I am going to TRY to take intentional steps forward and to trust Him to realize those dreams in my life, in His time. 

Living intentionally, 

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

I watched the palm trees dance in the cool gentle breeze.

I am captured by the beauty of the ballet. 

The sun flickering across their fronds invites the shadows to join in the dance. 

Their sway brings my soul to rest and I am at peace. 

They have no cares. Their purpose is only to dance. 

One of our greatest desires as human beings is to live with purpose. Unlike the palm trees, we frantically strive, searching and searching for answers.  

Yet, the palm tree waits, moving only as the spirit of the breeze dictates. 

Bearing fruit in their stillness they embrace the sweetness of their destiny. 

Rest. Embrace the sweetness of your destiny. 

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

It comes when you least expect it and settles deep in your heart. 

Like a roller coaster of emotions, you are laughing one minute and sobbing the next.  

Memories twist and turn through your mind bringing joy then intense sorrow. 

Distractions help for a time, then you must return to face your reality. 

There is no escaping it. You must ride it all the way to the end. 

Eventually, in time, the pain will subside and the ride will stop. 

Grief.

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

Nora McInerny, in her podcast “Terrible, Thanks for Asking,” shares her story about significant losses in her life at age thirty-one. In a short period of time, she lost her baby, her father and six weeks later, her husband. Nora was devastated.

People tried to encourage her with empty phrases such as, “You are still young and beautiful and will find someone else,” but it really wasn’t helpful.

Nora did fall in love again. What she found was falling in love was easy for her but finding another person didn’t take her grief away. Her grief just slid over to make room for another love and that made her feel uncomfortable. She feared the judgement of others but mostly the judgement she placed upon herself. If she was happy, she was not sad anymore so she must not have really loved her former husband. 

Well-meaning friends commented, that she must be okay now that she has a new husband. She explained that falling in love with another did not mean she had fallen out of love with her deceased husband. Nora found that it was possible to hold two things at once; grief for the lost and joy for the new love. 

I know personally that when you are joyfully married for forty-three years, loss is excruciating. I will always miss my husband and pray unashamedly that one day I will have a new love to whom I can share his memory.

A good friend reminded me one day that though my husband was gone, I was still alive. I’m trying to remember that. I can live my life to the fullest while holding his memory close to my heart.

Seeking life,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives 

Dearest Heavenly One, 

I confess that though I have needed you deeply over these last few months, I have also shut you out. I have allowed my circumstances to dictate my understanding of your love for me. I am frustrated and broken-hearted because my life looks nothing like what I expected. You have hurt me by allowing this loss in my life. 

And though I am angry, I still believe that you are the same God that gave me a beautiful life to this point. You blessed me with a wonderful husband, children and grandchildren. I am so thankful for that.

Please show me that you see and intend to fill the empty places in my heart. Give me hope for new life and help me to celebrate once again. 

Seeking Hope,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives