As I watch the clouds of grief begin to dissipate, I am fearful.
Oh Lord, help me to never forget…the sound of his voice, his sweet smile, the gentle caress.
Remind me with beautiful memories of days gone by.
Help me to trust you once again.
Restore the old and build new relationships in my life. Reveal your love in each one. For without love, I have nothing.
And please Lord, … help me never to forget.
Remembering,
Carol Marchant Gibbs
Stories Changing Lives
When searching for my authentic self one day, I found it buried beneath a facade of physical beauty, affluence, college degrees, and relationships. These worldly treasures had become an illusion that prevented the revelation of the deeper person inside. I prayed for freedom.
Oh Lord, please strip away the emptiness that enslaves me and give me life anew.
Freedom rose up to meet me and I was reborn.
In Freedom,
Carol Marchant Gibbs
Stories Changing Lives
Though my life experiences have been both joyful and challenging, I can honestly say that I have had a great life. When deep love entered my life through my husband, Jim, I became a new person. I was changed forever.
My husband and I were married for over forty-three years. We met in high school through one of our mutual friends that he happened to be dating at the time.
He was two years older than me so we spent very little time in school together. When he graduated and went off to the Naval Academy, we saw each other occasionally when he would come home to go to the church our families attended. Our conversations were usually the same. We brought each other up to speed about our lives. I would ask about his girlfriend and he would ask about my life.
Our interaction was usually quite brief until one Sunday. I noticed that Jim looked particularly handsome that day. He always had a warm smile but this week was different. When I asked about our mutual friend, he told me they had broken up and suddenly, I saw him through different eyes. He was a brilliant and very handsome man and I wondered about the possibilities.
He obviously was thinking the same and asked me to ride out to the reservoir with him to wax his new car. It was a beautiful day and his bright red 240Z captured my eye, so I agreed.
We dated for a few months after that. He would drive up from the Naval Academy, pick me up, then he would drive us to Washington DC for dinner at a special restaurant and we’d go to the theatre. It was so much fun. By this time, I was in college, and it was an experience that most college students could not even imagine to be doing and he was such a great guy.
Though I totally enjoyed his company, after a while, it became obvious that he was far more serious about me than I him so I decided that it was time for our relationship to come to an end. Years later, Jim would laugh when I would tell this story and he would deny my version but it really was true. He was crazy about me.
Though I would see his family at church, I really didn’t think too much about him until one year later. Jim had graduated from the Naval Academy by now and was stationed on the west coast. This particular day, I felt compelled to contact him, so I immediately obtained his address from his mother and wrote him a letter. There was only “snail” mail then. There was no internet. The day after I mailed the letter to him, I received a large photo of the Golden Gate Bridge with an invitation he had written on the back to accompany him to a wedding while he was home over Christmas. Our letters had passed in the mail. We were thinking about each other at the very same time.
We got together over that Christmas…and the rest is history. We were engaged four months later and because I was still in college, we did not marry until two and a half years later. We had a beautiful wedding and I followed him to a Naval Base in Charleston, South Carolina.
Neither one of us ever expected to land up together. We were different as night and day. He was a scholar athlete and I was a music theatre kind of gal, but, we trusted God to lead us through life and we spent forty-three beautiful years together.
Jim has been gone for over a year now and I miss our life together so much. But, I go forward to continue his sweet legacy of love in our family and with dear friends.
I do not know what the future holds for me. I hope that one day, I will be surprised by love once again… because love, is the sweetest gift we can ever be given.
I know that many of you understand the loss of a partner, a spouse. Whether you are divorced or your spouse has died, as mine did, the loss is real and very painful. I pray that God would open your eyes to see the love around you. Love your families and friends well.
And one day, I pray that you would be surprised by love.
Warmly,
Carol Marchant Gibbs
Stories Changing Lives
Kintsukuroi is the ancient Japanese art of ceramic repair. When a piece of ceramic becomes broken, the artist fuses the pieces together with liquid gold or gold-dusted lacquer. Rather than hide the flaws, they are highlighted by the gold, becoming obvious for all to see. Each break illustrates the history of the piece, inviting the use of more gold, creating a brand new masterpiece.
And so it is for human beings… The challenges of life take us to places we did not expect, nor would we have chosen to go. We are broken and in need of healing. The love of family, friends, and of God fuses us back together. And though we are no longer the same, we are stronger. We are more beautiful because we have been healed by love.
There is hope, my friends. Allow the healing power of love to restore you. You are a masterpiece.
Healing together,
Carol Marchant Gibbs
Stories Changing Lives
It is December 13th, a year after my beloved Jim died and I am surprised at the increasing depth of my grief.
The anticipation of this day was far more painful than I ever expected. Realizing my greatest need the day before, I cancelled my plans with a friend and went to my older son’s to be with he and his family.
Being with them was life giving. I helped my son decorate the exterior of his house for Christmas; beautiful lighted wreaths on every window and a few huge inflated Santas in the yard. The kids loved it and his wife was very appreciative.
We were together and it brought health to my grieving heart.
I really believed I would be in a different place by now…. a year later. Yes, I have taken steps forward; joined a widows and widowers group, started back to the gym, taken a sculpting class, and traveled to see friends and family. I have managed to stay very busy with life but despite the increased activity, life continues to be very difficult. Jim is gone and will continue to be gone and my heart remains broken.
I have heard it said, the second year after a significant loss is worse than the first. That is not very encouraging. I, like many others, hoped that when the magical one-year date arrived, life would be restored, as would the joy. That is not my experience. I am finding that grief is much more complex than I ever imagined and I am needing just as much love and support as I received the first year. It just looks a little different.
I am thankful for those who have faithfully stood by me this year. I know it’s hard to support someone for the long haul but the reality is, it is critical to the restoration of those who are grieving.
I am certain that many of you understand far too well the depth of my words. You may be grieving a loss or supporting someone who has experienced one. I pray that you will give and receive all that you need to thrive in this life, blessed for every wonderful act of kindness and love.
Eternally grateful,
Carol Marchant Gibbs
Stories Changing Lives
It’s been eleven months since my beloved husband died. Life has looked dramatically different over this year. Not only have I had to learn about who I am without him, but I have also had to learn about what I want to receive from and what I want to give to this world.
I spent forty-three years under the protective covering of my husband and when that was removed, I became vulnerable and unsure of life. The world suddenly became new and unfamiliar.
There were some aspects that remained the same, however. My children and grandchildren were a constant but even there, I had to learn that my belief that I needed to be both parents and grandparents to my family was inaccurate. I could only be me; Mom and Mimi (as my grandchildren affectionately refer to me.) My effort to fill in the void that my husband left behind was impossible and not for me to even attempt.
My relationship with my adult children did change in some ways. My husband had asked them to watch over me and the four of them, my two sons, daughter-in-law and son-in-law, took that very seriously. It was a sweet testimony to my husband’s love for me and their love for our family.
What I have discovered is that I really am not much different a person than I have ever been. I am still fun-loving and usually joy-filled but I am lacking one very important thing… a filter. I am finding that I feel compelled to speak my mind and heart. I used to have the ability to hold back. My husband was my sounding board and helped me to craft gentle words of truth before speaking them to others. I miss that and am certain others do as well. LOLOL Hopefully, I am doing that with love.
I have also learned more fully that my husband was a very rare and extraordinary human being. He was kind and gentle, so selfless and always positive about life. He lifted the spirits of everyone around him. He loved me so deeply and unconditionally and I him. I miss him terribly.
When such a person is removed from your life, you ask yourself, “So, why am I still here?”
I have spent many hours trying to answer that question. What I have concluded is that we have a responsibility, in this one life we live, to bring all that we are and all that we have learned, to the benefit of others. I try to do that in my relationships, with others who have had a loss, with my interactions with strangers and through my writing. I pray that I successfully reflect love, the love that has been so generously expressed to me.
I know that many of you are asking yourselves the same question, “Why?” Why have you been left behind to mourn your loss? There is an answer. Look deeply into your heart. Think about the greatest lessons life has taught you. Ask God.
I am exceedingly thankful to my dear family and friends that have stood by me this year. Love really does have the ability to conquer all. It doesn’t remove the grief but it reminds us that there is hope…there is life.
Living with thankfulness,
Carol Marchant Gibbs
Stories Changing Lives
Yesterday morning, as I was leaving the gym, I felt an overwhelming desire to confess to God that I was exhausted from trying to control my life. Lost in thought, I unknowingly drove the wrong direction on the road. As I turned the corner, cascading across the sky was an incredible rainbow. I immediately pulled off the road into the nearest parking lot and burst into tears. It was God’s promise to me that I was going to be okay. There is hope and I am so thankful.
Living with hope,
Carol Marchant Gibbs
Stories Changing Lives
In this incredible world of diversity, there is a darkness that blinds us from recognizing the beauty and value of all humanity. We are held hostage by our misconceptions, prejudices and fears. How do we break free?
There is hope in the darkness. Beacons of light shine amongst us revealing the goodness of mankind. These courageous ones are moved by the people before them. They see into the human heart and respond with a radical compassion that inspires hope and rebuilds the human spirit.They are Allies.
Allies, whether they are organizations or individuals, empower those who have been marginalized by our society. They recognize the value of others, offering community and providing opportunities for them to fully participate in life.
Over the next few weeks, I will be featuring several segments from my new book, Radical Resilience, When Lives Are Changed by Extraordinary Compassion.It is my desire that this book would encourage an increasing heart of compassion for the marginalized in the world today.
Together,
Carol Marchant Gibbs
Stories Changing Lives
Have you ever sat across the table from a person who was on the phone throughout your conversation? I would like to say that I am never that person but often, I have been. It’s ironic how our desire to connect with people on the internet often stands in the way of our connecting with the human beings that are sitting right before us.
I am reading a fantastic book by Adele Ahlberg Calhoun called Spiritual Disciplines Handbook. In one of the chapters, “Unplugging”, Calhoun explains that, “Unplugging recognizes that personal beings are created for personal interaction by a personal God. We need to be in the presence of others. We need to be touched… We need uninterrupted spaces in our lives for the presence of God and the presence of others.”
My prayer for all of us is that we would willingly unplug and enjoy the power of the present and the people before us. Let’s help each other in this endeavor. You have my permission, if you are sitting across the table from me and I take out my phone, to kindly remind me that I wrote this post.
Seeking personal connection together,
Carol Marchant Gibbs
Stories Changing Lives
Hope is an unseen force that has immense power over the human heart. Without it, we are lost and fail to see the joys around us.
When my husband died, almost nine months ago, my world became exceedingly dark. I only went through the motions of life not really allowing the goodness to penetrate my broken heart.
As I took positive steps forward to embrace the new life that I was given, the veil of darkness began to lift and I was able to feel again. Each step gave me hope for my future.
I remember, after spending time with my grandchildren a few weeks ago, feeling so filled up with love…feeling completely loved. Despite my family’s efforts, I had not been able to feel that in a very long time. As I explained what I was experiencing to my daughter-in-law, she responded with, “And, we feel that same love after you have been here.” (Yes, she is amazing and I love her with my whole heart.) It’s moments like this, that give hope that life is going to be okay.
But, “the tigers,” do continue to “come at night”, as it says in one of my favorite musicals, Les Miserables. Our steps forward are not always filled with the joys like I receive when I’m with my family. People do not always understand the depth of my grief and have expectations to which I am completely incapable of responding. That is difficult for me and I can feel like I have failed.
Thankfully, my dear friend, Grace, who is also a widow, explained to me. “You are not a failure. Life has failed you” (by taking away your husband). “You are going to be okay. It just takes time.”
I know that many of you are trying to come to terms with your new life, as well. It’s not what we would have chosen but we press on because there is still goodness in life. We just need to keep looking for it.
What new steps forward do you need to take today? May God direct your path and give you the courage to move forward.
Together in the search,
Carol Marchant Gibbs
Stories Changing Lives