Author: Carol Gibbs

Kintsukuroi is the ancient Japanese art of ceramic repair. When a piece of ceramic becomes broken, the artist fuses the pieces together with liquid gold or gold-dusted lacquer. Rather than hide the flaws, they are highlighted by the gold, becoming obvious for all to see. Each break illustrates the history of the piece, inviting the use of more gold, creating a brand new masterpiece.

And so it is for human beings… The challenges of life take us to places we did not expect, nor would we have chosen to go. We are broken and in need of healing. The love of family, friends, and of God fuses us back together. And though we are no longer the same, we are stronger. We are more beautiful because we have been healed by love. 

There is hope, my friends. Allow the healing power of love to restore you. You are a masterpiece. 

Healing together,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

It is December 13th, a year after my beloved Jim died and I am surprised at the increasing depth of my grief.

The anticipation of this day was far more painful than I ever expected. Realizing my greatest need the day before, I cancelled my plans with a friend and went to my older son’s to be with he and his family.

Being with them was life giving. I helped my son decorate the exterior of his house for Christmas; beautiful lighted wreaths on every window and a few huge inflated Santas in the yard. The kids loved it and his wife was very appreciative.

We were together and it brought health to my grieving heart.

I really believed I would be in a different place by now…. a year later. Yes, I have taken steps forward; joined a widows and widowers group, started back to the gym, taken a sculpting class, and traveled to see friends and family. I have managed to stay very busy with life but despite the increased activity, life continues to be very difficult. Jim is gone and will continue to be gone and my heart remains broken.

I have heard it said, the second year after a significant loss is worse than the first. That is not very encouraging. I, like many others, hoped that when the magical one-year date arrived, life would be restored, as would the joy. That is not my experience. I am finding that grief is much more complex than I ever imagined and I am needing just as much love and support as I received the first year. It just looks a little different.

I am thankful for those who have faithfully stood by me this year. I know it’s hard to support someone for the long haul but the reality is, it is critical to the restoration of those who are grieving.

I am certain that many of you understand far too well the depth of my words. You may be grieving a loss or supporting someone who has experienced one. I pray that you will give and receive all that you need to thrive in this life, blessed for every wonderful act of kindness and love.

Eternally grateful,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

It’s been eleven months since my beloved husband died. Life has looked dramatically different over this year. Not only have I had to learn about who I am without him, but I have also had to learn about what I want to receive from and what I want to give to this world.

I spent forty-three years under the protective covering of my husband and when that was removed, I became vulnerable and unsure of life. The world suddenly became new and unfamiliar.

There were some aspects that remained the same, however. My children and grandchildren were a constant but even there, I had to learn that my belief that I needed to be both parents and grandparents to my family was inaccurate. I could only be me; Mom and Mimi (as my grandchildren affectionately refer to me.) My effort to fill in the void that my husband left behind was impossible and not for me to even attempt.

My relationship with my adult children did change in some ways. My husband had asked them to watch over me and the four of them, my two sons, daughter-in-law and son-in-law, took that very seriously. It was a sweet testimony to my husband’s love for me and their love for our family.

What I have discovered is that I really am not much different a person than I have ever been. I am still fun-loving and usually joy-filled but I am lacking one very important thing… a filter. I am finding that I feel compelled to speak my mind and heart. I used to have the ability to hold back. My husband was my sounding board and helped me to craft gentle words of truth before speaking them to others. I miss that and am certain others do as well. LOLOL Hopefully, I am doing that with love.

I have also learned more fully that my husband was a very rare and extraordinary human being. He was kind and gentle, so selfless and always positive about life. He lifted the spirits of everyone around him. He loved me so deeply and unconditionally and I him. I miss him terribly.

When such a person is removed from your life, you ask yourself, “So, why am I still here?”

I have spent many hours trying to answer that question. What I have concluded is that we have a responsibility, in this one life we live, to bring all that we are and all that we have learned, to the benefit of others. I try to do that in my relationships, with others who have had a loss, with my interactions with strangers and through my writing. I pray that I successfully reflect love, the love that has been so generously expressed to me.

I know that many of you are asking yourselves the same question, “Why?” Why have you been left behind to mourn your loss? There is an answer. Look deeply into your heart. Think about the greatest lessons life has taught you. Ask God.

I am exceedingly thankful to my dear family and friends that have stood by me this year. Love really does have the ability to conquer all. It doesn’t remove the grief but it reminds us that there is hope…there is life.

Living with thankfulness,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

Yesterday morning, as I was leaving the gym, I felt an overwhelming desire to confess to God that I was exhausted from trying to control my life. Lost in thought, I unknowingly drove the wrong direction on the road. As I turned the corner, cascading across the sky was an incredible rainbow. I immediately pulled off the road into the nearest parking lot and burst into tears. It was God’s promise to me that I was going to be okay. There is hope and I am so thankful.

Living with hope,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

In this incredible world of diversity, there is a darkness that blinds us from recognizing the beauty and value of all humanity. We are held hostage by our misconceptions, prejudices and fears. How do we break free?

There is hope in the darkness. Beacons of light shine amongst us revealing the goodness of mankind. These courageous ones are moved by the people before them. They see into the human heart and respond with a radical compassion that inspires hope and rebuilds the human spirit.They are Allies.

Allies, whether they are organizations or individuals, empower those who have been marginalized by our society. They recognize the value of others, offering community and providing opportunities for them to fully participate in life.

Over the next few weeks, I will be featuring several segments from my new book, Radical Resilience, When Lives Are Changed by Extraordinary Compassion.It is my desire that this book would encourage an increasing heart of compassion for the marginalized in the world today.

Together,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

Have you ever sat across the table from a person who was on the phone throughout your conversation? I would like to say that I am never that person but often, I have been. It’s ironic how our desire to connect with people on the internet often stands in the way of our connecting with the human beings that are sitting right before us.

I am reading a fantastic book by Adele Ahlberg Calhoun called Spiritual Disciplines Handbook. In one of the chapters, “Unplugging”, Calhoun explains that, “Unplugging recognizes that personal beings are created for personal interaction by a personal God. We need to be in the presence of others. We need to be touched… We need uninterrupted spaces in our lives for the presence of God and the presence of others.”

My prayer for all of us is that we would willingly unplug and enjoy the power of the present and the people before us. Let’s help each other in this endeavor. You have my permission, if you are sitting across the table from me and I take out my phone, to kindly remind me that I wrote this post.

Seeking personal connection together,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

Hope is an unseen force that has immense power over the human heart. Without it, we are lost and fail to see the joys around us. 

When my husband died, almost nine months ago, my world became exceedingly dark. I only went through the motions of life not really allowing the goodness to penetrate my broken heart. 

As I took positive steps forward to embrace the new life that I was given, the veil of darkness began to lift and I was able to feel again. Each step gave me hope for my future. 

I remember, after spending time with my grandchildren a few weeks ago, feeling so filled up with love…feeling completely loved. Despite my family’s efforts, I had not been able to feel that in a very long time. As I explained what I was experiencing to my daughter-in-law, she responded with, “And, we feel that same love after you have been here.” (Yes, she is amazing and I love her with my whole heart.) It’s moments like this, that give hope that life is going to be okay. 

But, “the tigers,” do continue to “come at night”, as it says in one of my favorite musicals, Les Miserables. Our steps forward are not always filled with the joys like I receive when I’m with my family. People do not always understand the depth of my grief and have expectations to which I am completely incapable of responding. That is difficult for me and I can feel like I have failed. 

Thankfully, my dear friend, Grace, who is also a widow, explained to me. “You are not a failure. Life has failed you” (by taking  away your husband). “You are going to be okay. It just takes time.”

I know that many of you are trying to come to terms with your new life, as well. It’s not what we would have chosen but we press on because there is still goodness in life. We just need to keep looking for it. 

What new steps forward do you need to take today? May God direct your path and give you the courage to move forward.

Together in the search, 

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

• 

We can spend a great deal of our lives worrying about things that never happen. Experts say that 92 percent of all that we worry about never comes to fruition. We are spending an exorbitant amount of energy focused on the worst case scenario unnecessarily. Why? 

The reality is that we have all had challenging experiences, some even devastating. That mere 8 percent that does come true can cause us to live a lifetime expecting the worst. 

Worry can have harmful long term affects on our bodies and minds, interfering with health, lifestyle, sleep, relationships, job performance and on and on. 

The question is how can we avoid excessive worry? 

I am a spiritual person and knowing that God does not desire for us to live in bondage to fear, I attempt to surrender my worries to Him. Sometimes I am more successful at releasing them than other times. Often, I find myself bringing the same worries forward. 

I am reading a wonderful book right now called, Think Like a Monk, by Jay Shetty. Through meditation and deep breathing exercises, Shetty teaches us to recognize and release our fears in a healthy way. 

I am looking forward to seeing how God uses this in my life.

I hope you find it helpful as well.

In the words of my son-in-law: “calma” my friends!

Living with hope,  

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories changing lives. 

I guess I was just ready to hear the question that day because it had a profound affect on me. “Whose life are you living?”, my friend asked. I realized at that moment that trying to live the same life I did when my husband was alive, was not going to work for me. It was time for me to venture forth so I went on a quest to discover not only what I would enjoy doing, but what I needed in order to heal. 

The first thing I did was connect with a widows and widowers group. This particular group was focused on those whose lives had been changed by cancer. I connected immediately with the people there. They welcomed me warmly, sharing phone numbers and invitations to meet when I was ready and I took advantage of that. It was fun to go out to dinner and laugh. I felt understood and safe.

Then, I started using my morning walking of the dog as a time to listen to a meditation and pray. It cleared my mind and helped me to focus on what was most important.

I also had become overwhelmed with a desire to begin serving again. I connected with the Oncology Department at Mercy Hospital to serve at their fundraiser for “Heat It To Beat It” in support of HIPEC. HIPEC is a chemotherapy treatment given to cancer patients during surgery. This helped to give our family four and a half more years with my husband. We are so thankful for that.

The next thing I did was begin to meet with my personal trainer. My husband  and I had done that together but when his health started to decline, we both stopped. It was good for me to begin to focus on fitness, for both my mental and physical self.  

Then, I began to think about those things that I would enjoy doing. I had always wanted to do clay work or sculpting, so I found an art studio near me and will be starting classes next week. When I have mastered that, I’ll move on to painting. That may take a while!! 

I also have wanted to learn to speak Portuguese. My son-in-law is from Brazil and I really wanted to surprise him by being able to communicate well with his family when I go to visit them. 

I am finding that as I begin to look at my future with hope, the memories of my husband have become more vivid and filled with joy. Though I still have moments  where my heart breaks, there are also times I can think of him and laugh. My memories are not masked by my grief. It is good to smile about my life with him because it was beautiful. 

I have no idea what the future will bring but I am going forward with hope and anticipation trusting that God knows my deepest desires, what I need, and cares to respond. 

With hope, 

Carol Marchant Gibbs

When you are struggling to make sense of your life, you spend time with those who have walked  a similar path before you. 

I had lunch with an old friend this week who had lost his wife nine years ago. I really respected him and trusted that he would speak wisdom into my life about surviving the process of grief. 

I came prepared for our time with a whole list of questions which he kindly and honestly answered. When I was finished with my interrogation, he asked me one question that blew me away. 

“Whose life are you living?” 

Was I attempting to live the same life that I lived when Jim was alive? My life was different now. Trying to live that very same life would only be met by a deep void of Jim’s loss. I thought about the many hours that I sat silently waiting to awaken from my nightmare expecting him to walk into the room. That was never going to happen. Now what? 

The thought of moving forward alone and building a new life meant that he was never going to  return but in order to move forward, I had to begin the journey.

My grown children had been trying to tell me this for weeks and I did start to take baby steps forward but that one question really spoke to my heart. I needed to begin to live my life even though it was not what I expected it would be and was filled with so many unknowns. 

I began to examine my life and ask myself what I most enjoy doing. What had I never done before that I would like to try? Hope began to rise up inside me. So, here I go…

Whose life are you living? Be courageous! Just take one step forward. You are going to be okay and so am I. 

Together in the journey, 

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories changing lives!