Author: Carol Gibbs

Have you ever gotten to the end of your day wondering what you actually accomplished? Your day was jam packed with frenzied activity and yet the significance of it all escapes you.

This has happened to me many times over the years. I, too often, can get lost in the minute details of life totally missing the big picture. What is my purpose in this life and am I making strides toward that goal?

A very dear friend once told me that we can spend a great deal of time focused on the past and the future, neglecting the present entirely. 

“Live for the present”, she’d say to me. 

I am learning that each moment of my life is a precious gift to be fully experienced. Each past experience helps to define our present. Each present moment builds upon itself to create the future. We are created to embrace the present journey to our ultimate destiny.

But, how do you embrace the path that determines your ultimate destiny?

For me, it’s a spiritual question. 

A very wise man said to me once, “You make your own destiny but you must always follow God’s lead.” I just so happened to be married to that very wise man. 

The future is so uncertain. Fortunately, we need only to figure out the present…one day at a time.

Embracing the journey together,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

To my dear friends who have lost their first love…

I pray that one day you will find love again.
Someone you love so much that you simply cannot resist being in their presence. You are drawn to them, magnetized by their very being. Someone that causes you to respond with reckless abandon.

Don’t be afraid, my friends. Go forward with hope because love is the most powerful force on earth and you will experience the extraordinary. ❤️

Living with hope,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

I had the distinct privilege of being married to my husband, Jim, for 43 years. August 13th would have been our 45th wedding anniversary.

To say that our life together was a beautiful love story doesn’t even begin to reflect how extraordinary it was. Filled with joys and heartbreak, we celebrated life and weathered the storms… together. Faith was an integral part of our story. Without it, we could have easily been conquered by the intensity of the waves  of life but we weren’t. Life was a celebration.

Many of you don’t know that Jim was a nuclear submarine officer for a time. For the first part of our courtship and marriage we spent many months apart. That was a real challenge. I did not see him for the four months prior to our wedding day because he was deployed. He came back on the scene five days before we were to be married. That was terrifying for me because we always needed  an adjustment period to get reacquainted after his absence. I got cold feet and almost didn’t marry him. That would have been the biggest mistake of my life. We laughed about it years later but at the time it was traumatizing.

We had three beautiful children. Two were born when Jim was in law school. The first child, Jessica, was born still. We never had the joy of raising her, seeing her smile, or hearing her sweet laughter. We were devastated when we lost her but God carried us, along with many family members and friends as we weathered that tumultuous storm. 

Five months before Jim graduated from law school, we had our adorable son, Jamey. He was the greatest of all gifts. We couldn’t have been more thankful. Our life felt complete. 

Then when Jamey was ten months old, we learned that we were expecting another baby. Imagine our surprise to find that I was already three months pregnant. We were shocked and very excited all at the same time.

My pregnancy with Jeremy was very challenging. We had RH incompatibility and the baby’s health needed to be monitored very closely. I felt like a pin cushion from the number of amniocenteses that I had to endure. Jeremy arrived safely but his anemia required that he have a blood transfusion when he was two weeks old. After that, all was well. I am so very thankful to God for His healing power and blessing on our family with Jeremy. 

We had many wonderful years together as a family. The memories of our times away are especially vivid;  beach vacations in Stone Harbor, Europe, the Caribbean, Canada and throughout the US. Times together, such as these, built a strong foundation that helped us to endure the challenges of life as they arrived. 

When our son Jeremy came out as gay, God used Jim’s amazing capacity to love to instill hope in our family. His beautiful example sealed a legacy of love in us.

But, the greatest challenge our family had to face was Jim’s cancer. Over five years, we watched him fight that terrible disease valiantly. If effort alone was the secret, Jim would still be here today. He was my hero. 

I was certain that God was going to heal him. Not in the way he did. I expected complete physical healing to occur for his physical body. God chose to heal Jim in a eternal way and though I was thankful that he was no longer suffering, I was heartbroken and extremely angry that God didn’t do otherwise; heal him for this earth…For our family.

God has handled my disappointment with His decision very well and slowly but surely, He is restoring my faith in Him, one day at a time.

So though we have been met with many challenges, the joys outshine them all. To say we were exceedingly blessed doesn’t even come close to describing the beauty of our life. I am so thankful for our many years together. Jim, you built a legacy of love that will live on in your absence forever. 
With love,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

My husband has been gone for a year and a half now and I am finding that each day is beginning to feel less daunting. I am still experiencing the loss but I am learning to fill the emptiness with family, friends and activities. But though I have occupied my time with people, my writing, practicing piano, family vacations and thoughts about more art classes, there is nothing that can fill the void of a loving partner.

The void created by my husband’s loss has been immense but it was not mine alone. Everyone who knew my husband loved him and missed him terribly.  But when the memorial service was over and they began to return to life, I waited to return to my life as well.

I wanted my old life back and was forced to accept the stark reality that my life was changed forever. When I awoke in the morning and reached across to the other side of the bed, he was not present. When I called his name, he did not answer. It was just me in the silence. Attending a party, wedding, a funeral, any life event, was often excruciating. Sure, I could attend with another family member or a friend, and I often do, but the memories of a lifetime together with my absent love reminded me that my life was dramatically different and nothing like what I had planned. 

In addition to the loss itself was the added challenge of bringing everyone along with me as I moved forward. Not everyone was ready for my new life and the navigation of it looked messy. There were growing pains associated with the emergence of this new person I was discovering deep within and there were many things I was learning about life itself.

If I had questions about certain decisions that needed to be made, I learned to ask for advice from someone that I trusted; my adult children, a sibling or a close friend. Counseling also became helpful in navigating my new life.

I also became acutely aware of how the people that I loved wanted and needed to be brought along on the journey. They were grieving, too. They cared about me and needed to know that I was safe and making wise decisions that would propel me forward in a healthy way. I am so thankful for their support.

I have learned an immense amount over the past few months. This was not after having made some huge errors in judgement. But, I am pressing on to live a life that incorporates all that I am learning about myself and people in general. 

And, through it all, I still believe that there is hope. My life has purpose and I can rest assured that life is not over for me yet. I have a lot of living to do!

With hope,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

I was once a very black and white thinker. Everything and everyone had their special place and purpose in my life. This concept made it easy to understand and control the world around me. 

But, over the course of my lifetime, I have been exposed to many inexplicable grays. They have covered my path and caused me to question the attitudes I developed earlier. As I began to understand the gray spectrum more fully, I found that I was no longer capable of seeing black and white. I became intolerant and anything that was outside of the gray spectrum was unacceptable. 

Then one day, I met a black and white thinker that represented the same thoughts I had many years prior. I could have become very frustrated by this person, as I had others in the past, but he taught me a very valuable lesson. It is important to understand that in this one life we have to live, we do not have to think the same way. But…we must always value and respect each other and their right to have a different perspective.

Life is so much fuller when we recognize the value of diversity.

Today, may we seek to understand others in a way that appreciates the full spectrum. 

Living fully,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

When you experience a significant loss in your life, it is like having your house burn down around you. All you see are ashes of your former life. But as time passes and you are able to sort through what is left behind, you begin to see the precious treasures that remain; children, grandchildren, family, friends, and even faith begins to emerge again.  Though life looks completely different, there are remnants of hope that encourage you to press on.

And… we can press on… because we are stronger than we think. 

Rising up together, 

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories changing lives

A unicorn is a mythical figure that is generally depicted as a white horse having a long flowing mane and tail with a single spiral horn in the middle of its forehead. Unicorns are known for being amazingly beautiful, very rare and quite difficult to catch.

Because unicorns are so mysterious, they are often misunderstood. They are different than the norm and their uniqueness can even be considered threatening at times. Rarely do we even attempt to follow one, or be schooled in their ways, to understand their lives. We are fearful of what appears different and are unsure of how to approach them. We anticipate that our gestures might be offensive and frighten them away so we make no attempt to be near.

In this world of diversity, we are all unicorns, wanting to be approached, wanting to be understood. Take time today to pursue the unicorns in your life. Appreciate the magic of each individual. You may be surprised at what you might find.

Seeking Unicorns,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

As I watch the clouds of grief begin to dissipate, I am fearful.

Oh Lord, help me to never forget…the sound of his voice, his sweet smile, the gentle caress. 

Remind me with beautiful memories of days gone by. 

Help me to trust you once again. 

Restore the old and build new relationships in  my life. Reveal your love in each one. For without love, I have nothing. 

And please Lord, … help me never to forget. 

Remembering,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

When searching for my authentic self one day, I found it buried beneath a facade of physical beauty, affluence, college degrees, and relationships. These worldly treasures had become an illusion that prevented the revelation of the deeper person inside. I prayed for freedom. 

Oh Lord, please strip away the emptiness that enslaves me and give me life anew.

Freedom rose up to meet me and I was reborn. 

In Freedom,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives

Though my life experiences have been both joyful and challenging, I can honestly say that I have had a great life. When deep love entered my life through my husband, Jim, I became a new person. I was changed forever. 

My husband and I were married for over forty-three years. We met in high school through one of our mutual friends that he happened to be dating at the time. 

He was two years older than me so we spent very little time in school together. When he graduated and went off to the Naval Academy, we saw each other occasionally when he would come home to go to the church our families attended. Our conversations were usually the same. We brought each other up to speed about our lives. I would ask about his girlfriend and he would ask about my life. 

Our interaction was usually quite brief until one Sunday. I noticed that Jim looked particularly handsome that day. He always had a warm smile but this week was different. When I asked about our mutual friend, he told me they had broken up and suddenly, I saw him through different eyes. He was a brilliant and very handsome man and I wondered about the possibilities. 

He obviously was thinking the same and asked me to ride out to the reservoir with him to wax his new car. It was a beautiful day and his bright red 240Z captured my eye, so I agreed. 

We dated for a few months after that. He would drive up from the Naval Academy, pick me up, then he would drive us to Washington DC for dinner at a special restaurant and we’d go to the theatre. It was so much fun. By this time, I was in college, and it was an experience that most college students could not even imagine to be doing and he was such a great guy.

Though I totally enjoyed his company, after a while, it became obvious that he was far more serious about me than I him so I decided that it was time for our relationship to come to an end. Years later, Jim would laugh when I would tell this story and he would deny my version but it really was true. He was crazy about me. 

Though I would see his family at church, I really didn’t think too much about him until one year later. Jim had graduated from the Naval Academy by now and was stationed on the west coast. This particular day, I felt compelled to contact him, so I immediately obtained his address from his mother and wrote him a letter. There was only “snail” mail then. There was no internet. The day after I mailed the letter to him, I received a large photo of the Golden Gate Bridge with an invitation he had written on the back to accompany him to a wedding while he was home over Christmas. Our letters had passed in the mail. We were thinking about each other at the very same time.

We got together over that Christmas…and the rest is history. We were engaged four months later and because I was still in college, we did not marry until two and a half years later. We had a beautiful wedding and I followed him to a Naval Base in Charleston, South Carolina.

Neither one of us ever expected to land up together. We were different as night and day. He was a scholar athlete and I was a music theatre kind of gal, but, we trusted God to lead us through life and we spent forty-three beautiful years together.

Jim has been gone for over a year now and I miss our life together so much. But, I go forward to continue his sweet legacy of love in our family and with dear friends.

I do not know what the future holds for me. I hope that one day, I will be surprised by love once again… because love, is the sweetest gift we can ever be given.

I know that many of you understand the loss of a partner, a spouse. Whether you are divorced or your spouse has died, as mine did, the loss is real and very painful. I pray that God would open your eyes to see the love around you. Love your families and friends well. 

And one day, I pray that you would be surprised by love.  

Warmly,

Carol Marchant Gibbs

Stories Changing Lives