Nora McInerny, in her podcast “Terrible, Thanks for Asking,” shares her story about significant losses in her life at age thirty-one. In a short period of time, she lost her baby, her father and six weeks later, her husband. Nora was devastated.
People tried to encourage her with empty phrases such as, “You are still young and beautiful and will find someone else,” but it really wasn’t helpful.
Nora did fall in love again. What she found was falling in love was easy for her but finding another person didn’t take her grief away. Her grief just slid over to make room for another love and that made her feel uncomfortable. She feared the judgement of others but mostly the judgement she placed upon herself. If she was happy, she was not sad anymore so she must not have really loved her former husband.
Well-meaning friends commented, that she must be okay now that she has a new husband. She explained that falling in love with another did not mean she had fallen out of love with her deceased husband. Nora found that it was possible to hold two things at once; grief for the lost and joy for the new love.
I know personally that when you are joyfully married for forty-three years, loss is excruciating. I will always miss my husband and pray unashamedly that one day I will have a new love to whom I can share his memory.
A good friend reminded me one day that though my husband was gone, I was still alive. I’m trying to remember that. I can live my life to the fullest while holding his memory close to my heart.
Seeking life,
Carol Marchant Gibbs
Stories Changing Lives