If you have ever seen a newborn animal struggle to get onto it’s feet, you will begin to understand what life is like after losing your spouse. Unsteady and unsure, you fear that your world will suddenly collapse beneath you and you struggle to maintain your footing. Each step must be intentional.
Even the familiar looks different. Though the people remaining in your life have not changed, relationships and roles may have changed. Who am I now and what is this new life I am living?
Even making a simple decision can be a challenge when you are used to discussing it with your partner. I find myself leaning into my grown children for advice.
Just recently, I planned a trip to visit one of my dearest friends in Florida. It would be a good for me. She knew me well and being with her would be a safe place.
I made all the reservations; plane and kennel for the dog and was very excited.
Then suddenly, I was gripped with an overwhelming sense of fear. Before I knew it, I was cancelling the trip. My friend was very kind and understanding, my frequent flyer miles were returned to my account and the kennel reservation was cancelled without consequence.
As I discussed my sudden change of plans with my younger son, he kindly questioned my decision. Having been a therapist a few years back, he knew exactly what to ask.
“Mom, what are you so afraid of?”
As we discussed my concerns, I told him that I always felt that I could do anything with his dad by my side. His dad made me courageous. Now, I was alone and afraid.
My son’s powerful words quickly changed the course of my new life.
“Mom, you are brave. The courage is inside you. Dad just knew how to call it out.”
That day, I began to realize that though my life does look dramatically different, I am the same person. I just need to learn how to navigate my new life.
And…you can too! Be brave!
Carol Marchant Gibbs
Stories Changing Lives.