By Sam and Leigh Erdman
This week, Sam and Leigh share about the faith journey that led them to foster and eventually adopt two children.
Eight years ago, we began a process of asking some questions about our life.
We had two young children at the time, life was very full and fun, but we were both experiencing the sense that God had more for us. We had a good life, were blessed in countless ways, and yet we wondered what God wanted to do with our family, where we were, in the stage of life we were in.
As we began to explore possibilities, we developed a list of dreams and visions for our family, along with some things we thought would be fun or exciting. It was hard to tell which, if any, of those dreams were God’s dreams for us and which ideas were ours that we were trying to justify into a “calling.”
There were many false starts along the way, thinking we were following God only to have doors close, or our excitement and passion for whatever it was, wane. It was frustrating, and we questioned whether we would ever clearly hear God’s voice. But we continued to pray that God would speak to us and help us to offer our life with open hands.
We kept being drawn back to Micah 6:8, a verse that became our family verse throughout that year. In it, God says, “You know, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? Do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God.” This verse felt like a great set of marching orders to set us up to be used by God. We thought that if we could check those three requirements off the list, we would finally be in a place where we could hear God speak.
Over the months, though, as we kept reading that verse, we found ourselves discouraged. Those three “requirements” seemed to be the furthest thing from reality in our lives.
The first one- “do justice”. We had many friends who were deeply and passionately engaged with justice issues around the world. We were happy to write a check, and voice support, but none of these causes captured us the way they had for our friends. Failure #1.
The second command- “love mercy”. This was the most blatantly difficult for us. We took a spiritual gift assessment a few years prior, and our “mercy” gifting was off the charts- the bottom of the charts. Like, everyone ever who had taken this test had more mercy than we did. Failure #2.
And the third requirement- to “walk humbly”. Pride, for us like so many, has been an easy trap.
We had a long way to go.
God, however, started to bring some clarity to us. We realized that we had a growing desire to make a difference in the life of a child- or children. Primarily, our thoughts centered around adoption and foster care. We had many fears and concerns regarding fostering so we started to pursue adoption. False Start.
God kept bringing fostering back to our hearts and minds but we tried to shut that door. How could we love a child only to watch them leave our home for a less safe place? Was this another false start?
God kept moving.
First, we were asked to care for an infant who was to be removed from his home. We said “yes” only to have the city tell us “no,” since we weren’t approved foster parents. You would think that would have made this all clear for us- it didn’t. We continued to let our fears drive us rather than trust God in them.
Next, God brought a friend into our lives who grew up in the foster care system and his story changed us. During this time, God made this thought clear: “if a child comes into your home, and then goes back into an unsafe home, I will be with you. I sent my Son, whom I love, into an unsafe world- a world that would kill him. I’ve been where you fear going, and I will be with you. ”God would be with us, in both the joy and the suffering of this call.
We decided to say yes.
We began taking the required foster care training classes while continuing to pray for God’s grace and protection. We completed the classes and quickly had two kids placed in our care.
Nothing could have prepared us for the pain and heartache of foster care, even though we had training and guidance along the way. Even so, the gifts we have received and the lessons we have learned far outweigh the pain.
The biggest lessons we learned take us back to Micah 6:8. We realize now that saying “yes” to God doesn’t mean meeting those requirements in our own strength. It means trusting God to give us what we need. Foster care has taught us about the injustice of poverty, mental illness, and addiction, and given us a voice to speak out against it.
God has turned our hearts towards mercy, not only for the children in our care, but for their birth parents and families. We have been humbled time and time again as we try to love children who are hurting, and do not yet know how to receive the love that we offer.
It’s easy to feel like mediocre parents- on a good day- but God continues to meet us. Rather than fixing ourselves, we know that He uses us just as we are, right where we are. He is sufficient. He is the God of justice, the God of mercy, and the perfect example of humility. If we trust who He is, the blessing of faith is that He allows us to become more like Him.
We had the privilege of adopting two of the children we fostered and the pain of losing many. We faced what was our greatest fear in the process, but learned that the more we say yes to Him, the more we experience authentic joy and the deep blessing of a surrendered life.
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