There once was a deeply compassionate man who had such a heart for his country that he committed his life to bringing good mental health to those whom God put before him in the army. He married a wonderful woman who supported him in everything he did. They spent their lives moving their family from army base to army base where the man served. Early in their marriage, the man spent a year in Korea during the war, working at a MASH unit that provided support to those on the front line. The man and woman made many sacrifices through the years, but when they share of their army days, their eyes light up and they smile. The memories are amazing treasures…except for one.
One night, during the man’s time in the service, a dear friend came to the man and woman to share a very deep secret. Brian had been a close friend of theirs for a long time. He was also a psychiatrist and worked closely alongside the man. The man and the woman often had dinner at Brian’s home, and they would return the favor by inviting Brian to theirs. They loved him. This particular night, Brian arrived physically beaten up and grief-stricken. He explained that he had been arrested during his time off and was asked by the army to retire early. No one really knew the details that led to such drastic measures but they did know this: Brian was secretly gay. Everyone knew he was gay, but they never talked about it because they believed it was the loving thing to do. They thought that helping him keep his secret was a means of protecting him. The man and woman lovingly listened to Brian as he shared about his life. They comforted him the best they could that night. Then, he went home and the three of them never talked about it again.
Over the next few months, Brian went through the normal retirement process. His “secret” continued to be kept and Brian’s grief about his life grew into a deep despair. After the entire process of separating from the military was completed, one dark night, Brian took his own life. The man and woman were devastated as were all of Brian’s other friends. Their greatest regret was not talking honestly with him, hearing his story, and telling him how much he was loved by them and by God. From that point on, more than ever, they committed their lives to loving well those whom God put before them…especially members of the gay community.
I have great admiration for my father-in-law and mother-in-law. They were always very kind and compassionate people. But, I never understood their position on same-sex attraction until I heard the story of Brian. God changed them the day Brian died. Their hearts grew a greater capacity to love.
This story was told to me by our younger son, Jeremy, shortly after he came out. On hearing about Brian from our son, I swore that I would do whatever it took to love him well.
Prologue from my book, Who Do You Say I Am? Personal Life Stories Told by the LGBTQ Community